“Trust”: Any and all relationships are built and maintained on the foundation of trust.
I recently had dinner with a good friend of mine. My friend is a man of principle and conviction. He is one with whom I have much in common, though the things of church life are not among them. Over dinner I was greatly intrigued by one comment he made: “Trust can only be present in the absence of judgment.”
I have thought about that statement much since hearing him say it. How strong is my tendency to judge those around me. I may not know their circumstance nor all the information that shaped their decision, yet I tend to cast my judgment on them. If my friend is correct in his statement, my judgment of others is a demonstration of a lack of trust.
Jack Gibb suggests that trust is the result of a risk successfully survived. It is true that for us to trust we must risk getting hurt and disappointed. But there are three ways we can build trust:
- Learn to trust yourself. If you are not honest with yourself you will not be able to be honest with others. Self deception is the enemy of all human relationships.
- Trust includes all areas of life. If one cannot be trusted in all points of life, they cannot be trusted in any point. A trustworthy character is one who never cuts a corner for any reason.
- Trust is like a bank account: one must continue to make deposits in order for it to grow. It can take a life-time to build trust in a relationship; 10 minutes and one bad decision can destroy what took a life-time to build.
Trusting others is always going to be a risk. But it is a risk worth taking. Without trust, you cannot build healthy, lasting relationships. Your marriage will never stand a chance of improving. Your hurts will multiply without trust. Take the plunge of faith and begin to trust again. It begins with a choice. It continues as you manage that choice daily. There are three ways I think your trust can grow again:
- Forgive the wrong that was done to you. You have power over the other person who was wrong. What would happen if you used that power to offer forgiveness. Your bitterness will not hurt the other person; but it may well kill your joy.
- Validate the expectation that the violation must never happen again. Forgiving others doesn’t mean allowing them to continue hurting you.
- Choose to remember their better moments. If we look for the bad in people we are bound to find it; the same is true if we look for the good.
The verse that comes to mind when I think of “trust” is Proverbs 3:5-6: “trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” Think of the risk God took when he sent His son to die for you in hope of becoming your friend. Go ahead, my friend, take the risk of forgiving someone today and allow trust to spring hope within you again. The potential gain is worth the risk!
This is my perspective. What’s yours?
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Brent
